You Left
by HannahbananaJane
Summary: Derek left Bomshell two years ago when it was on the brink of success, not telling anyone why. Now, Karen is looking for some answers. Will she like the ones he provides? When they are finally on the same page, will they take a chance on love? Or are all relationships in the show business doomed to fail? Give it a chance! The story is better than this summary!
1. Chapter 1

**I wasn't going to post this because it needed a lot of editing and it definitely doesn't follow Season 2. But one of my teachers went into labor today and we had the entire class to do whatever, so I enlisted my friend's help to proofread this while I wrote another chapter. Chapter 2 is complete and I should upload it soon!**

**THIS DOES NOT FOLLOW SEASON TWO. This takes place two years after season 1's finale.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except Amber.**

Derek Wills was excorting his date in the party, introducing her to friends and producers of the music business. For some reason, his thoughts tonight were on Karen Cartwright, a name and face he tried to put out of his mind long ago.

But he couldn't seem to forget her. Not her voice, not her face, not even the girl's name. She was like his drug of choice, he had been addicted ever since she walked into that audition and sang 'Beautiful'. Derek still went to the show sometimes, in disguise so no one noticed him, just so he could hear her sing.

He had heard she had been offered numerous different roles and parts, both for live theatre and television, but she wouldn't take anything while Bombshell is still up and running.

Honorable, he knew, but also stupid. Yet the majority of the cast and crew had stayed with the project as it continued to bloom even after two years. He and eventually Ivy were the only ones that had left.

Amber Richards, a blonde that vaguely reminded him of Ivy, noticed he seemed pre-occupied with his own mind. She used her hand to move his jaw until his eyes were facing her. "What's wrong, Director? Am I too much of a bore?" She teased.

"Are you his latest star?" Derek froze at the voice. No, it couldn't be. But when he turned around, he was face to face with Karen Cartwright after two years.

_He knew he shouldn't of gone to this bloody party._ And yet, seeing the talented brunette made the unsufferable small talk he had been doing for the past hour worth it.

Amber stood up straighter as she glared at Karen, sizing her up as competition, clearly offended. She leaned more into Derek, making the message clear: _he's mine._ "Excuse me?"

Karen ignored her and looked at him instead. "Derek. Long time, no see. You look good."

Derek toasted her with his champagne glass. "And you as well, love."

Amber looked insulted Derek was even talking to this intruder. "I'm sorry- who are you? And how did you even get into this party dressed like that?"

Derek finally took appearance of what she was wearing. Her Marilyn wig and costume for the last act. Flashes of him zipping that dress, calling her a star, and promising her he understands love looped through his mind before he could stop it.

Derek couldn't help but feel an overwhelming need to defend his star against his latest conquest.

Because no matter how many other 'phenomenal' dancers he worked with, no matter how great people promise the newest auditionee would blow his mind away, no one would ever compare with Karen Cartwright.

"Same Derek I see, still sleeping with your leads to make them happy. Does he tell you that you are a star? That you're different?" Karen asked Amber. "Eventually, you'll reallze what he's doing to you. He'll lead you to thinking you are headed for a committed relationship, but once you figure it out, he'll drop the act and move on to the next star to seduce."

Derek narrowed his eyes at Karen when really, all he wanted to do was pull her close and never let go. "Would you bloody stop harrassing my date? If this is what you are like now, maybe I made a good decision in leaving." He saw the hurt flash in her eyes before they were void of any emotion and he hated himself for it. He had always loved her eyes, bright and wide, always shining.

But he knew he needed to protect her from himself. She doesn't need him in her life. He would just end up hurting her.

Still, Derek couldn't help it when his voice naturally softened, like it did when talking to her, and only her. "Just tell me why you are here, Karen. I'm sure you didn't want to crash the party dressed as Marilyn," he joked, trying to make her at least smile. "I wouldn't want to crash it anyway. It's bloody boring."

She didn't smile though. Instead, her eyes filled with tears. "We were... going to celebrate another great performance. Bobby had a new bar he wanted us to try downtown. Jessica and I went to my apartment to find some clothes, and while we were there, my parents called to ask how the show was, like they always do. I was talking to my phone, when she screamed and the line went dead."

Derek let go of his date and finally took Karen in his arms when her tears began to slide down her cheeks. He kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back as she let out muffled sobs into his suit, tightening her hold on him.

"They were hit by a car. Luckily, they are okay. The driver of the other car was drunk when he hit them. He's got a broken leg, but Mom and Dad only have scratches and a bruise or two," she explained in between her sobs.

"It's okay, Karen, it's okay. They are fine."

"I was so scared, Derek, so scared. They told me not to come to Iowa, that they were fine. Once I found out they were okay, all I could think about was coming to find you."

"Shh, love. Calm down, you are making yourself more upset, they are okay. I've got you, just let it out." Derek whispered into her ear. Karen pulled away enough to see his face and Derek wiped away the remaining tears staining her cheeks. "You okay?"

She nodded, looking shocked by the look in his eyes. He didn't hide anything from her this time, letting her see the feelings he had for her loud and clear in his eyes. "My, um..." she seemed to lose her train of thought. "Make-up is probably messed up."

He put his hand on her cheek, smiling slightly. "You look amazing, darling. Your makeup looks good, even though I think you look beautiful without the stuff." Derek sighed, "has it really been two years?"

Karen nodded. "Yeah. Why'd you leave us, Derek?" The way she said 'us', he knew she wasn't not talking about the musical. She was talking about herself. Why did he leave her? A question he asked himself everyday.

Derek stared into her eyes for a few more seconds before sighing again and pulling away from her, untangling his fingers that somehow got laced with hers. He looked over at his date who was staring at the two of them, her eyes wide. "Amber, I'm not really in the party mood right now and besides, I need to make sure Ms. Cartwright gets home okay. You should stay and continue to chat to people, make connections."

Amber's eyes grew even more comically wide as she looked at Karen, no longer seeing her as competition, but an idol. "You are Karen Cartwright? Omg, I love Bombshell! I've seen it three times and planning on going again!"

Karen smiled. "Thank you. Did you know Derek was the director and choreographer for it all the way up until it went on Broadway?"

Amber turned to Derek in disbelief. "You were on Bombshell? Why the hell did you quit that?"

"Can I not make a decision without everyone questioning me?"

"If it's that stupid of a decision, then no. Seriously, why would you quit Bombshell?'

He glanced at Karen. "I had my reasons."

Karen stared at him. "You left because of me?" She whispered, feeling a lot more offended and disappointed then she probably should have been.

Derek sighed. "It's complicated, Karen."

"No, it's not. You left Bombshell because of me." Karen turned to Amber who was watching the two of them like a tennis match, her eyes alternating between Derek and Karen with every remark. "It was nice to meet you, Amber, but I have to go. Good luck on your show."

Karen walked off, towards the exit, before Derek could even begin to explain why he left two years ago.

"Go."

Derek turned his head to look at Amber, but his eyes were still following Karen. "What?"

"Go after her. I'll find a ride home. I'm a sucker for love," she shrugged in explanation to Derek's confused look as he finally actually looked at her.

"I'm not in love with Karen."

"You say that, and yet you haven't taken your eyes away from where she just walked off. Talk to her, okay, Derek? If not for yourself, then do it for her. She _needs_ to know why you left."

Amber walked off after giving her input, not waiting for Derek's response. Derek sighed, his eyes automatically landing on Karen's departing figure.

When she got to the door, she turned, locking eyes with Derek. Even from the distance he could see the tears spreading through her eyes. Everything else disappeared and he could only see the young woman he made cry. The same woman stole his heart years ago and didn't even know it.

Derek took a step forward and that broke the spell they seemed to be under. Karen just shook her head at him (_"Don't follow me," _her eyes begged him) and left.

**Please review! This is my first Smash story!**

**Hannah :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it's taken so long for me to update! Life has been pretty crazy lately. I can't say when I'll be able to update next, but thank you all for your favorites and following alerts! And special thanks to katjack, madd09, elliemurphie, and theater is love31 for leaving awesome reviews! You guys have no idea how much those made me smile!**

**...I feel like I was supposed to tell you guys something before ya'll read this, but I can't remember... Oh well! Enjoy!**

Their unexpected meeting had Derek's head in spins for the next week. The only thing he could focus on was dancing. He worked his dancers three times as hard as normal, practically working them to death. Finally, Amber had enough.

"Okay, break!" Everyone turned their head to Amber, who was watching the ensemble practice since she wasn't in this particular scene.

Derek glared at her. "What?"

"It's time for a ten minute break, right, Melissa?"

Melissa, the stage manager, nodded. "Actually, yes."

Derek sighed in defeat, knowing he couldn't get around labor laws. "Fine. Meet me back here in ten."

Everyone sent Amber a grateful look, walking like exhausted zombies to their bags.

Amber grabbed Derek's arm and shoved him outside and into the elevator. "Amber, what the hell?" Derek yelled, but she didn't say anything in response. Instead, she waited for the elevator to start before pushing the red stop button and then turned to her furious director.

"This is ridiculous, Derek. You said you weren't in love with her and, even though I just think you are in denial, I took your word for it. But ever since you saw her, you haven't been paying attention to anything. You are going to kill your dancers if you don't calm it down!" Derek opened his mouth but quickly shut it when the blonde held a hand up to stop him. "Take the rest of the day off and go talk to her."

"I don't know where she lives," Derek said the first excuse that came to his mind.

"Figure it out. If you don't take today _and tomorrow _off, the cast is going to go on strike. And we have workshop in three weeks, so that's probably not the best idea."

"You're serious about this?"

"Oh, my god, Derek! The girl thinks you left the best show on Broadway right now because of her! Go talk to her." Amber didn't say anything else, she just pushed the stop button again. Once they got to the bottom floor, she pushed Derek out of the elevator, wishing him luck.

Derek paced outside the theater for ten minutes, almost talking himself out of going to see her. He wasn't acting like himself and it was pissing him off that he was this nervous, so he pushed down his fear and walked into the theater without a disguise for the first time in two years.

When he entered the auditorium, they were working on the last scene. Derek was completely memorized by Karen's voice as he forced himself to sit down quietly in the back, not wanting to draw any attention away from her.

Her eyes locked onto his, and other than her pupils widening just a bit, she didn't show any signs of surprise. Instead, she stared at him as she continued to sing, her eyes never leaving his.

"_And please let me beeeeee Let me be the starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr_!" She ended the song maginificantly, holding her 'r' just like he remembered she could.

"Perfect, Karen!" Tom told her and Derek was amused to see that she still blushed from the attention. "You'll be great tomorrow when the kids come."

Tom turned away from the star of the show and Derek took it as his cue to approach Karen. Everyone turned their heads at the sight of Derek Wills back at Bombshell.

The whispers of gossip already spread through the auditorium when the dancers saw Derek walked on stage and straight to Karen.

"Derek, what are you doing here?" Karen asked, acting only mildly curious and barely surprised he was here as she grabbed her bottle of water.

"You wanna guess?" He replied, trying not to give anything away for their attentive audience to gossip about.

"Do I have to? Or are you actually going to be honest for once?"

Derek sighed. "Karen, I..." He turned to Tom (who replaced him as director). "Tom, I know we don't exactly get along, but can you please let Karen take a break? Maybe an hour or so."

"Sure," Tom answered with a shrug. "I don't see why not."

"Tom, you don't have to," Karen contradicted immediately.

"No, it's okay, Karen. You are finished for the day anyway," Tom told her.

"Tom, I don't mind staying, to help with whatever." Karen was practically begging to stay, very much seeming like she didn't want to be alone with Derek.

"You work hard enough already. Go home and rest up for tomorrow. You have a lot of kids to impress." Tom was adminant that Karen go with Derek, probably because he knew that meant Derek would owe him something, _anything_, he wanted.

Karen sighed. "Fine. I'll be ready in ten minutes," Karen barely even glanced at Derek before leaving to her dressing room.

Since Derek left Bombshell, he and Tom were more cival with each other the few times they saw the other. Still, Derek was surprised Tom so easily let him talk to Karen. Then again, Karen had been at Bombshell for two years, regardless of the other job and audition offers, so Tom probably thought not even Derek could convince her to leave.

Derek nodded in greeting to all of the wide-eyed dancers he remembered from his days at Bombshell.

"Derek," Jessica smiled innocently (her smile that told him she was about to ask some nosy questions) from her seat. "What are you doing here?"

"Came to talk to Karen."

"Oh, really?" She doesn't look surprised, but her dramatic tone sure does. "About what?"

"That's for me to know and you to never find out!" Karen told her when she walked back into the room.

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Girl, you know you'll end up telling me."

"Sure, I will," Karen deadpanned before turning to Derek. "Ready?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Tom!"

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Karen asked when they got outside, wrapping her scarf and leather jacket tighter around her.

"Would you like some coffee?" Derek asked instead of answering.

Her eyes clouded with confusion but she agreed anyway. "Um, sure?"

"Do you mind walking? It's not that far."

"Walking sounds good to me," answered Karen.

Derek put his hand on the small of her back, leading her to his favorite local coffee shop. He was delighted when she unconsciously moved closer to him, though he knew it was just because she was trying to stay warm.

Their walk to the coffee shop was silent as both of them were lost in their thoughts, not realizing they were thinking about the same thing.

Derek was wondering how much to reveal about why he left and Karen was hoping he wouldn't explain. She no longer wanted to know now that she knew it had to do with her.

Derek opened the door for her when they got to the coffee shop, ushering her in. "Why don't you find us a place to sit while I get us some coffee? Skim Latte with two sugar-free vanilla pumps?"

Karen nodded, looking shocked that he still remembered. "Yeah," she answered, absent-mindly sitting down at the table in the corner, lost in memories of the past.

_"She seriously asked that?" Karen studied Derek, trying so hard not to laugh._

_"Seriously," Derek replied, taking a sip of his coffee._

_"She asked you if you would be willing to 'donate' your sperm to make a baby?" Karen clarified her question, making sure she heard right._

_"And she told me she just wanted a donation, she didn't want me to be in the kid's life. Apparently, she was married but her husband couldn't have kids, so she went on dates asking for guy's sperm that way she could have a baby. She said it was cheaper than going to a sperm bank."_

_Karen couldn't hold in her laughter anymore and was choking on sobs before she calmed down. "What... did you... tell... her?" She asked inbetween laughs._

_"I was speechless, and a little flattered that she picked me." Karen rolled her eyes. "I'm kidding. No, I told her I couldn't."_

_Karen leaned forward in her seat in ancitipation, intrigued by his story. "Why couldn't you?"_

_All the laughter slipped out of Derek's eyes as he stared back at her. "When I have kids, I want to be in their life, even if they weren't planned." They shared a smile before Derek stood up. "I'll get you a refill on your skim latte with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla. And when I get back, you have to tell me _your_ worst date."_

_Karen grimaced. "Great," she replied with no enthusiam._

_"I would feel sorry for you, but I already showed you mine."_

They told each other all kinds of things on their 'coffee dates'. They each learned stuff about the other that very little to no people knew. Derek learned one of the main reasons Karen intially said no to Dev's proposal ("_When someone proposes, it should be the happiest moment of your life. You shouldn't be filled with dread the moment he pulls out that velvet box"_). Karen learned about Derek's family and why Derek hadn't talked to his family since he was eighteen years old (_"I told my dad I was moving to New York to pursue my dream as a director and cheorographer. He kicked me out that day, on my eightenth birthday. I email my mom and brother, but I haven't seen either one since that day"_).

They swamped less serious stories, like their worst date or their most embarrassing moment. Sometimes they would even sit in silence, drinking coffee and staring at least other. But at least once a week, they would pick the coffee shop halfway between Karen's apartment and halfway between Derek's.

"Karen?" Derek had walked up with their coffee, but she was so busy remissing over memories that she didn't notice.

Karen looked up at the sound of his soft voice and smiled at him. "Hey. Sorry, I um... was just thinking."

"Anything important?" asked Derek as he sat down, handing Karen her coffee.

Karen smiled gratefully at him as she took a drink of her steaming latte. "Nope," she replied after a minute.

Derek could see the truth, though. He knew exactly what she had been thinking about, because he had been thinking about the same thing while he stood in line, glancing over at her to find her staring out at the window, looking lost. He could see the longing her in eyes.

She wanted to go back to those days when they were friends scittering on the line of something more. When they could actually talk to each other without it being awkward. When they didn't feel the need to hide stuff.

But those days were over as soon as he left two years ago with no explanation.

Karen stared at him, waiting for him to talk. After all, he was the one who kept insisting they needed to talk.

"So, how have you been, Karen? We didn't get chance to catch up at the party the other day?"

Karen rolled her eyes, not at all impressed at his attempt of small talk. "This is why you wanted to talk to me? To make small talk?"

"No, but I..." Derek trailed off with a sigh. "I missed you, Karen. And I know it's my fault for leaving, but that didn't stop me from dialing your phone number when I wanted your opinion on something. I always hung up, though."

"Why? Damnit, Derek!" Karen huffed in annoyance. "I don't even know if _I_ want to know why you left."

Derek grabbed her hand, squeezing it softly. "When I said, or implied, I left because of you, I didn't mean it was your fault."

"Oh, really? What else could that possibly mean?" She tried to look unaffected by Derek's thumb gently rubbing over her knuckles, but the way her eyes kept drifting from his eyes to their hands... It didn't take a genius to realize just how affected she was.

Derek leaned over the table to be closer to her. "Karen, you are my muse. You know that." She nodded hesitantly. "Tell me you know that."

Karen sighed but answered. "Yeah, sure." She might have answered yes, but didn't sound too sure.

"I get inspired by you, Karen. By hearing you sing, watching you dance, suddenly I'm chalked full of creative ideas. Nobody has ever had that kind of pull on me, and I was scared."

"The Dark Lord was scared?" Karen teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Derek stared at her in amazement. "See? You know when I need to smile or laugh or have my ego taken down a notch or two."

"So you are telling me in the two years you haven't seen me, you haven't found inspiration anywhere else?" Karen asked, looking away so he wouldn't see the jealousy written so clearly in her eyes and she didn't want to have to watch his face light up at the mention of his new muse.

She had _no_ idea...

"Karen, look at me. _You_ are my muse. Do you know what I did whenever I needed inspiration?" Karen shook her head. "I went to see Bombshell."

"What?" Her face was full of disbelief and shock.

Derek nodded. "Yep. At least once a month, I would come to see you. And when I heard you sing, your whole face lighting up, I would be instantly inspired."

"Why didn't you come find me after a show?" Karen whispered.

"Because I didn't deserve you. I still don't. Not as a muse, or anything else."

Karen swallowed her fear and asked the question she had been wanting to know the answer to for a long time. "Something else? Do you want us to be anything else?"

Derek almost told her exactly what he wanted, but he took the coward way out. "I want to be friends again."

"That's all we were? Friends?" Karen asked slowly.

Derek sighed. "We were... God, I don't know what we were. We were director and muse, coworkers, friends. You were the best friend I were had and the brightest thing in my life. Are you asking if I ever thought of us as something more than all of that? Hell yeah, all the time."

"Did you have a crush on me, Director?" Karen teased, trying to drawn attention away from herself, not wanting him to notice her flushed cheeks and wide eyes.

"I still do," Derek answered immediately, his heart soaring at the hope filling Karen's eyes. But Derek crushed that hope in one sentence as he remembered what his point was. "But I can't have anything with you."

Karen blinked her tear-filled eyes. "Then why did you find me?"

"You came to me first," Derek reasoned, more to himself than to her, trying-and failing- to persuade himself that he wasn't to blame for Karen's hurt feelings.

"_Derek. _Why did you come?"

"To explain why you left. I finally realized that you deserved an explanation after all this time."

"Why won't you let yourself be happy, Derek? You deserve it, even if it's not me who makes you happy," her voice broke at the end of the sentence and she didn't wait to see Derek's reaction. She left the coffee shop in a hurry, catching a cab and leaving all alone with two coffee cups.

**What did you think? Please review! There's nothing worse than getting favorite and following alerts without the people reviewing to say what they thought.**

**Hannah:)**


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